Re'bequa's box

> at death's door
> book of days
> foes
> re'bequa
> shadow
> 23 rantings further from death

Wed, 10-08-03
9:41 pm -
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<B> - <FONT COLOR="#FF0000"">10.08.03</FONT></B>


not interested

(14 imprisoned thoughts | enslave your thought)

Thu, 05-01-03
7:21 pm -
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<B> - <FONT COLOR="#FF0000"">am i the mystery here... hummm</FONT></B>

i am not back... let me restate the obvious. i appreciate all of my adoring fans, and my not so adoring ones as well (you are the ones who keep it spicey). i still can not delete this damn thing, and i appologize for any inconvience to those who find me to be their #1. my password only allows me to enter in an update, nothing else. I fear that i broke it. please feel welcome to use my journal as a forum for conversation (as one patron proposed).
end transmission.

(37 imprisoned thoughts | enslave your thought)

Thu, 07-04-02
11:57 pm -
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<B> - <FONT COLOR="#FF0000"">HELP ME</FONT></B>

hey yall...
any of you that have me on your friends list that i actually know personally need to call me (unless you are that ass monkey i used to date) and help me get rid of this journal thing.. i keep getting email from people and it really annoys me! i dont even remember who all of these people are and what thier psudo-names are, noone uses their real name... im so confused.

(111 imprisoned thoughts | enslave your thought)

Fri, 01-05-01
5:55 pm -
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<B> - <FONT COLOR="#FF0000"">sorry but this is my old intrest list and i dont have time to change it yet, just wanted to save it</FONT></B>

1, 19, 1984, 2, 23, 3, 4, 44, 452head, 6, 666, 69, 7, 777, 80s everything, 80s music, 9, 999, a clockwork orange, abandoned bodies, abandoned buildings, abandoned souls, abstract, abstract books, abstract music, abstract thought, accents, acceptance, accidents, aching, acid jazz, acrylic paints, acrylics, activism, acupuncture, addiction, aeon flux, aesop's fables, aesthetics, affection, african tribes, aimee mann, air, airports, alchemy, alcohol, alice, alice in wonderland, aliens, alizarine crimson, all, all things, all things fatal, all things sacred, allen ginsberg, alpha, alphabets, alter-egos, altoids, ambitions, american beauty, american psycho, amorphis, amphibians, amusement, amusement parks, anatomy, ancient, ancient egypt, ancient things, andy lives, angelina jolie, angels, anger, angst, ani difranco, anime, anne rice, anorexia, anti, anti-everything, anticipation, antiques, antisocial, apathy, aphex twin, aquariums, archaeology, arguing, aromatherapy, art, art history, artists, ashtrays, astral projection, atheism, attics, attractions, avante garde, axfixiation, bags, balance, ballet, basements, basquiat, bathing, baths, battlebots, bauhaus, bb king, bdsm, beatniks, beauty, bed, bed head, bed time, being, being afraid, being alive, being alone, being anonymous, being appreciated, being flakey, being ignored, being silly, belly, berlin, betty boop, betty page, bf, bffs, bhagavad gita, billie holiday, binding, bindlestiff family circus, biographies, bisexuality, bitches, bitting, bizarre, bjork, bjork is pronounced 'b-yerk, black and white films, black holes, black nail polish, black roses, blankies, bleeding hearts, blondie, blood clots, blood stains, bob and margaret, bodies, bodies of water, body art, bondage, bondage tape, bonding, bone structure, bones, books, boots, bottom, bound, boxes, boys, boys in cowboy hats, bracelets, bras, breath, breathing, broken glass, broken hearts, broken sentences, broken souls, broken windows, bubble baths, bubble wrap, buckets, buddha, buddha's belly, buddhism, bugs, building, buildings, bukowski, butch, butterflys, butts, caffiene, camel menthol lights, cams, candles, cardigans, carnivores, cartoon network, carvings, castles, catatonia, catholicism, cds, cemetaries, chain mail, chains, chalices, champagne, chantings, chants, chaos, charcoal, charles bukoski, chasing amy, cheese, cheese cake, chemists, chess, chicken, chocolate, cibo matto, cigarettes, cinamatography, circles, circus, cities, classical music, claws, clerks, clockwork orange, cloud formations, clouds, cloudy days, clubbing, cocktails, coffee, coke, cold breezes, collars, collections, colors, colours, comedy central, comic books, compassion, concerts, conformists, consciousness, conspiracies, constellations, corsets, costumes, cravings, crayons, crazy, creativity, crimson, cross words, crossed-sex, crucifixes, cruelity, crushes, crying, cuddling, culture, culture club, cute things, cuteness, cutting, cyndi lauper, daisies, dancer in the dark, dancers, dances, dancing, dark, dark wave, david bowie, day dreaming, days, dbz, dead animals, dead can dance, dead kennedys, dead people, dead poets society, dead things, death, decadence, decapitated barbie dolls, deconstruction, decorating, deep forest, delerium, demonds, demonic things, demonology, depeche mode, desire, detachment, devils, devouring, dexter's labratory, dialog, diamanda galas, digital cameras, dirt, disobediance, dizzy, dj shadow, doc martins, dominance, dorothy parker, dr pepper, dr seuss, dracoliches, dracula, dragon ball z, dragonball gt, dragonball z, dragonflies, dragons, drama, drawing, drawings, dreaming, dreams, dresses, dried blood, dried flowers, dried herbs, driving, drugs, druids, dry humor, duckman, duct tape, dungons, duran duran, dykes, earth, ebay, eccentricity, ecstacy, edgar allen poe, education, edward hopper, egon shile, einstein, el elepfante, elegance, elephants, elvis, embraces, emerson, emily, emotions, endorphins, eons, eras, erase & rewind, erotic folk art, erotic frusteration, erotic literature, erotica, erykah badu, eve, evening, evil, evol, experience, experiences, experimental art, extraordinary things, eyeliner, fabrics, faeries, fallen angels, falling, fantasies, fantasy, fashion, fat caps, feathers, felines, females, feminism, femme fatale, femmey boys, fetishes, fetus envy, fiction, fight club, figurines, film, fire, fish net stockings, fish nets, flannery o'connor, flea markets, flesh, flowers, flutterbys, flying, flying rhino records, fnord, folk, folk lore, foreign films, fraggle rock, frank lloyd wright, frank zappa, franz kline, freak shows, freds film, free time, frida kahlo, friends, fucking, fudge, full moons, g-spots, garages, garbage, garbage pale kids, gardening, gardens, garlic, geek love, geeks, geiger, gen x, gen y, gender-bender, genetics, genius, george segal, georgia o'keefe, getting burned, getting off, ghost stories, ghosts, giant, gin, gin sours, girl bands, girls, glass, glue, glue sticks, go-gos, goa, goats, god, goils, gothik, goths, gowns, graffiti, graphic design, graphic novels, graphite, grave yards, graves, greek letters, green tea, grey areas, grimm fairytales, guided by voices, guns, gypsies, hair dye, hand cuffs, hands, handwriting, hardness, hating life, hating people, hearing, heathers, herion chic, hgtv, high resolution printers, highways, hinduism, hips, history, hoese, holding hands, honesty, honey bees, horror, horror movies, hot drinks, hottubs, hr geiger, hugs, humanism, humor, hungarians, i am a scientist, i am god, i am hungary, ice cubes, icicles, icons, illuminati, imaginary enemys, imaginary foes, imaginary friends, imagination, imps, incense, independant films, indescribable, indesision, india, indian food, industral music, infinity, innocence, intelligence, intelligent life, intensity, isms, japanese things, jasmine, jeff buckley, jello, jello biafra, jim dine, joan jett, john audubon, john coltrane, johnny the homicidal maniac, jonny the homicidal maniac, josephine baker, journals, juilana hatfield, katherine hepburn, keith haring, kids in the hall, kiki smith, kisses, kissing, kitten kisses, kmfdm, kneecaps, knives, kurt vonnegut, lace, laughing, laughter, legos, lemon, leonardo da vinci, libraries, lichtenstein, licking, life, lighters, lingerie, lip balm, lip gloss, literature, lobster, long conversations, long-term commitments, lord of the rings, loreena mckennitt, lost and found, lost and never found, lou reed, louise bourgeois, louise nevelson, love letters, loveevol, lovers, lucifer, lucifur, lucifur is love, luna, machines, madness, magic, magick, magnetic fields, magnolias, makeup, mallrats, man ray, mandala, mannequins, marigolds, marilyn monroe, marvin gaye, masks, masturbating, max ernst, mazzy star, meditation, melt banana, melting wax on skin, meow, meows, meremaids, merlot, metal in bloodstream, metros, midnight, milk chocolate, moby, modern english, monopoly, monty python, moonlight, morcheeba, more, morphine, mr. t, murder, museums, music, mutation, mutilation, my botfriends car, my boyfriend, my cat, my name is frank, myself, mysterious things, mythology, nabakov, nails, narcissism, natural born killers, necklaces, nevermore, new moons, new wave, nibbling, nine inch nails, nipples, no more death, noise, non-living, nudes, nyc, nylon, nymphomaniacs, nymphs, obession, obey, obey giant, obscure figures, ocd, oceans, oil paints, oils, omega, onion head monster, ooc, opal whiteley, ophelia, opium, orbital mind control lasers, out of body experiences, oxy-sediline tanks, pain-killers, paint ball guns, painting, pandora, panties, paradoxes, paralized, paranoia, passion, pasting, patsy cline, patti smith, penacles, people watching, perfect dark, perfect silence, ph instead of f, philosophy, photographic manipulation, photography, photos, picnics, picture frames, pictures, piercings, pig fuckers, pills, pixies, pj harvey, plaid, planets, plastic, play station, playing, playing with fire, playing with heads, playing with hearts, playing with minds, pleasure, pleasure victim, pms, pocket books, poe, poetry, poison, polaroid transfer, polaroids, pollock, portishead, posse 13 cats, post cards, pottery, pre-raphaelites, pretending, prints, ps2, pulp, pulp fiction, punctuation, punk art, punx, purity, purr, purses, pvc, pyromaniacs, quamiean, quantum physics, quiamian, quotations, quotes, radio head, rain, rainy days, ravens, razor blades, razors, re'bequa, reading, realitivity, rebequa, red, red hair, red wine, redrum, religion, religious icons, reptiles, restraints, reverence, rhinestones, rings, road trips, romance, rosaries, rose gardens, rose hips, roses, rubber duckies, rubber stamping foreheads, rubs, s & m, sacred & fatal, sacrifice, sadisticness, salanger, sandman, sandman comics, satanism, satin, scarab jewelry, scars, scrapbooks, sculpture, seashells, secret places, secrets, seduction, seeing, self discovery, self expression, self improvement, self indulgence, sensuality, serial killer, serial killers, serpents, sex and the city, sexuality, shadows, shakesphere, sharp knives, sharp objects, sharpies, shel silverstien, shoe laces, shoes, shopping, sid & nancy, sights, silence, silent films, silk, sinching, skateboarding, skim milk, skin, skinny dipping, skins, sleater-kinney, sleep, sleep deprivation, sm, smbd, smog, sneezing, snorting pixie sticks, snow, snuggling, soft cell, softness, solitude, sounds, sour candy, space, spider webs, spiders, spirals, spirituality, spoken word, stains, stars, stereolab, stonehendge, stones, stools, stopping, storms, stream of thought, subways, suede, suicide, sunsets, surrealism, sushi, sylvia plath, taboos, talking, tall boots, tangable things, tantra, tarot, tattoos, tears for fears, technology, tenderness, terry winters, thai food, that dog, the beat generation, the brat pack, the butchies, the cardigans, the cars, the critic, the cure, the dark crystal, the discovery channel, the goblin king, the goonies, the history channel, the last unicorn, the learning channel, the lighter gnombs, the neverending story, the ocean, the police, the pretenders, the princess bride, the smell of rain, the word: sometimes, theatre, theory, thingies, things, things i dont understand, things that are unrequited, thinking, thorns, thrift shopping, thrift stores, thundercats, tight grips, tim burton, time, tlc, tom robbins, tommorow, tori amos, toxins, traces, trampolines, trance, transformers, transgender, travel, traveling, tweed, underground, underwater, underwear, unicorns, uniquities, universe, urban cowboy, utopia, vampires, van gogh, veins, velvet, venus, venus de milo, vibrators, video games, vindictive people, vintage, vinyl, violent femmes, violines, virgin mary, virgins, vivaldi, voids, volvos, vomiting, voodoo, voyeurism, wallets, wally lamb, water, waterfalls, wax, wax museums, web, web design, web sites, wedgies, weeping willows, welding, whipped cream, whipping, whispers, white chocolate voltaires, wicca, wicked, willy wonka, wine, wine tastings, wings, winter, wire, wishes, wishing, witches, wolverine, womanhood, wood working, words of the day, working, wounds, writing, yellow, yes, yesturday, yo-yos, you, z, zen, zero, zines, zippers, zombies, zygotes

(75 imprisoned thoughts | enslave your thought)

Tue, 11-28-00
3:52 pm
im lonely.

i will have blue hair tonite*.


my tortured mood is: depressed

(21 imprisoned thoughts | enslave your thought)

Tue, 11-21-00
4:17 pm -
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<B> - <FONT COLOR="#FF0000"">still no internet!</FONT></B>

at the parents on their crappy 56k!

i need a connection...



my tortured mood is: annoyed

(4 imprisoned thoughts | enslave your thought)

Sun, 11-19-00
8:40 pm
no computer yet, at joshs.



bye now.

my tortured mood is: crazy

(1 imprisoned thought | enslave your thought)

12:03 am -
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<B> - <FONT COLOR="#FF0000"">howdy</FONT></B>

i had my cable guy come out today to put in road runner, a cable-modem... unfortunatlly MY FUCKING CABLE WAS OUT...

still no computer... miss yall alot, and i wish i could write more, im sad i dont have a computer... im at joshs office on his work computer. i should have a modem up in a few weeks, but for now. say-la-vee!

my tortured mood is: gloomy

(3 imprisoned thoughts | enslave your thought)

Tue, 11-14-00
11:58 am -
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<B> - <FONT COLOR="#FF0000"">another one</FONT></B>

im 67% slutty!!!

and.... 2,693 people think that jesus is the best sex option of all time!

(5 imprisoned thoughts | enslave your thought)

11:21 am -
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<B> - <FONT COLOR="#FF0000"">my bitch test results.... drum roll please</FONT></B>

im only 55% bitch, for those who know me, this cant be right! i am indeed 100% bitch, at least thats the popular vote! i am bitcher than josh, thats for damn sure, but the test asked questions like 'have you cheated on your lover?' and 'have you cheated on your lover, repeatedly?', im not a cheater (unlike some people who will remian nameless), but i am a BITCH! trust me.

you can take a test at


my tortured mood is: amused

(enslave your thought)

12:08 am -
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<B> - <FONT COLOR="#FF0000"">ATTN: everyone who ersponded to my last entree</FONT></B>

thank you so much. im glad to hear im not a tall freak of nature. im really glad you responded... bequa loves tall people. shes also speaks of herself in 3rd person, just for shits and giggles.

side note:
my computer still wont connect to the internet, im getting roadrunner put in next saturday, so i will no longer have to use joshies puter, and i will be able to respond, read, and log more readily!


(enslave your thought)

Thu, 11-09-00
9:10 pm -
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if you are a woman please tell me your height.

joshie-wash says i am taller than most girlies. im 5'10". 6'2" with heels.

my tortured mood is: dorky

(41 imprisoned thoughts | enslave your thought)

Wed, 11-08-00
1:12 pm
why is it that when ever i want a responce to a LJ log, i always feel like im yelling in a large group and no one hears me?

gotta go to class, and i lost my plyers, need to buy a new pair.


my tortured mood is: aggravated

(5 imprisoned thoughts | enslave your thought)

1:21 am -
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<B> - <FONT COLOR="#FF0000"">tell me what you think</FONT></B>

joshie-poo-poo thinks i look ugly, he told me so, he even compared me to megan falke! (for those who know her, thats terrible)


(11 imprisoned thoughts | enslave your thought)

Tue, 11-07-00
1:10 am
i am sleepy and i dont want to go to work tommorow, but i will, and i plan on going in with a better attitude, lately ive been going in like i dont want to be there and i think that is making jay feel bad. i love my job, but ive been stressed out lately. luckly i feel better now. well time to snuggle wif boshie (josh).
nite nite*

my tortured mood is: sleepy

(enslave your thought)

Mon, 11-06-00
1:12 am -
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<B> - <FONT COLOR="#FF0000"">i put a new pic up on that site...</FONT></B>

i didnt want to put the pic in my journal, cause i wanted yall to focus on the other pics i just put up. but i do want you to see it. so click here

my tortured mood is: amused

(1 imprisoned thought | enslave your thought)

Sun, 11-05-00
11:34 pm -
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<B> - <FONT COLOR="#FF0000"">a nibble of whats to come on; and the (not yet up)</FONT></B>

i do look
but not always to see
i like to dance
and dance

sorry this took so long, but i wanted to share what we did.

my tortured mood is: amused

(6 imprisoned thoughts | enslave your thought)

Fri, 11-03-00
2:47 am -
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<B> - <FONT COLOR="#FF0000"">Rate ME!</FONT></B>

today i got josh a surprize from the grocery store and he knew it was fish sticks! this was the first time ive ever surprized him with fish sticks and he knew!!!!! it was weird how well we know each other, i guess after 3 years we should, but this well?! to tell you the truth i am alittle upset about him going to see that girl, but i trust him. anyway, we went online (im at his house cause my phones dont work, they stopped working *both lines* directly after i fixed my modem problem, ) to tell yall about this 'fish sticks' incodent, and got destracted by "', he has his pic up, so, in the spirit of competition, i had to put my pic up too. i have a fragile ego and a low self-esteem, so this is not a good idea, but oh well. please rate me honestly, but please dont tell me what you think.

my tortured mood is: amused

(6 imprisoned thoughts | enslave your thought)

Wed, 11-01-00
10:05 pm -
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<B> - <FONT COLOR="#FF0000"">this will be quick.</FONT></B>

i have no modem currently working and my computer is driving me even more insane than i already am. in my defense from joshs post, i dont care if he goes, im not as psycho as he thinks i am. thats it, untill i can return home and get my computer working. i am at joshs (antisocials) house and on his computer, he wants me to leave now. bye-bye

my tortured mood is: apathetic

(enslave your thought)

Mon, 10-30-00
4:29 am -
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<B> - <FONT COLOR="#FF0000"">look at my site now.... please.</FONT></B>

ok, so i fixed some errors. the bio & rantings are still too small. the pictures' links dont have anywhere to go yet... but they will go to my secret cam. on my 'words' page, i forgot my cat, chaos, and she will have her own bio and pic pages too. i think thats about it. let me know if u find anything new. thank you so much.


my tortured mood is: anxious

(1 imprisoned thought | enslave your thought)

3:50 am -
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i just put it up and its like 4am, and 2 days ago it would have been 5am, and id really like your imput... even if u have no opinion, please drop a line to tell me you saw it. im sorry the text is so small and its best viewed in a 800x600 on IE, well i guess you can view it on any browser, but that is the one i use mostly. this is my 1st site and it was done in 10hrs straight.

i know it doesnt mean anything to you, but this means alot to me.


my tortured mood is: anxious

(1 imprisoned thought | enslave your thought)

Sat, 10-28-00
11:15 pm -
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<B> - <FONT COLOR="#FF0000"">TONITE</FONT></B>

so we (josh & me) are going to a party. everything sounds nicer in an icelandic accent (i think in that accent and things just seem more beautiful). he is not feeling well, so we will not stay too too long. he has an *angry bewey* (aka: upset stomach). id really like to go to his office after the party b/c he has some pics on his work puter that id like to burn for my website. i really want to hurry up with it... im pissed off its taken me sooooooo long. im going to try to work on it more tonight, and maybe actually upload some stuff. im such a perfectionist that itll take me forever to get it good enough for public viewing. i put up a temporary flash page, that wasnt perfect, might as well change that for something else thats not perfect.
when josh is done in the toilet we will go. i guess i should stand now. lack of good circulation is killing my feet.

(no more pins!)

(enslave your thought)

11:09 pm
i was wandering

and wondering

and i found a book buried deep in the earth

and the book began writing what i did

"i found a book buried in the earth, and the book began writing what i did..."

so i got on a train and went to the city

to get it published

"i found a book buried in the earth, and the book began writing what i did... so i got on a train and went to the city to get it published"

this is "MY STORY"

(*'BACHORLETTE' video by Bjork)


i found this pic of me and josh on his computer, thought it was nice, its alittle out of date, but you get the idea

(5 imprisoned thoughts | enslave your thought)

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